discoblaines: you know how a sneeze is 1/6 of an orgasm well here’s a great pick up line go up to a girl and throw pepper in her face until she sneezes and when she does say “that’s only a fraction of what you’ll be feeling with me tonight baby”
sleepybutton: noon-turns-midnight: Thanks to Tumblr, I know the plot, characters, ships, inside jokes etc. of every single even vaguely popular fandom, but I still have absolutely no clue what Homestuck even is. even the homestucks don’t know what homestuck is don’t worry about it
Imagine if tumblr somehow crashed and when it...
i'm a legend in my spare time: spicypoop: Everyone... →
spicypoop: Everyone has heard of the “your life flashes before your eyes when you die” situation, but not many people know the reason for it. When something goes wrong, your brain can usually deal with it by using past experiences to deal with things. For example, falling over, your brain…
redtoothedjaybird: Cosmo Sex Tip #413: As you reach orgasm, have him stab you through the chest so you ascend to god tier.
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schpilkins: elasticitymudflap: penisburps: Creepiest commercial for ice cream ever goes to Little Baby’s Ice Cream in Philadelphia I AM LAUGING SO FUCKING HARd YOU DONT UNDERSTaNd WHAT IS GING ON IM DROOLING SOMEONE HOLD ME I just laughed hysterically. Way to go guys.
chuckquizmo: lampsnake: i’m sure there is a secret formula for successful text posts
drive-ride-drive: I was in a hospital today and I saw this cute guy with a cast on his leg and my first thought was hey this one can’t run away
There's a reason why I don't hit people up first...
euniceepark: There’s always that chance that they eventually get tired of talking to me and they start to slowly ignore me. If anything, if they wanted to talk to me, they’d hit me up first. But I’m basically always the person that has to start a convo if I wanted a conversation to start. Honestly, not only do I feel like I get annoying when I do that, but I feel like I’m wasting your time. So I...
jagks: jagks: i think when i have kids they’re going to wake up with me sitting in a chair next to their bed asking “do u like bands yet” WAS THAT A YES OK GOOD LET’S START I ALREADY MADE U A TUMBLR SO LET’S GO BUY ALL THEIR MERCH AND OH I THINK THEY HAVE A TOUR COMING UP WE’RE GOING TO EVERY DATE EVER THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT
grimelords: The girl you just called fat? She needs to pee really badly. The boy you called stupid? He’s really gotta go. The girl you called ugly? She’s bustin for a whizz. The boy you just tripped? Probably gonna pee his pants about it. There’s a lot more to people then you think. Put this as your status if you’re gonna pee your pants.
karinanirak: So I went on a 10 day vacation and before we left, I positioned Peeta so that if any potential robbers were to look in our windows they would see a handsome baker holding down the fort.
thereichenbachfinn: remember that time in high school musical 2 when Troy got all jealous because Gabriella started hanging out with Ryan and he thought Ryan was moving in on her and it was like really troy really really
jzul: satans-testicle: You’re human, you made a human mistake. You did a terrible thing, it doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person. words of wisdom from satans testicle
shubbabang: Fuck them and their compliments
Dumbledore: The dark forest is strictly forbidden to all students
Dumbledore: Except for detention
Dumbledore: Where you will be forced to wander around when it's darkest and scariest
Dumbledore: Doesn't that make so much sense
Dumbledore: I'm so good at rules
Dumbledore: ten points to harry Potter
Everytime i go in public
me: why is everyone glancing at me
me: is there something on me
me: do i look extra ugly today
me: is it my face
me: they're laughing at me on the inside
me: they all hate me
me: they're plotting my death
davidofarabia: “but ur not really asexual beca-“ “it’s not rape if-“ “but if you’re autistic how c-“ “if you really had depression-“ “what you really need to be doing is-“ “you’re not a boy you just think y-“
blaineandersons: blaineandersons: gUYS THERE IS THIS RUNNER IN THE OLYMPICS AND HIS LAST NAME IS GAY I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING HE’S RUNNING AROUDN WITH A SIGN THAT SAYS GAY
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ventusta: my day isn’t complete if i don’t reblog this three times